This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
