finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
