I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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