I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
