But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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