garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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