I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize