I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
