Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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