I want to have your abortion
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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