Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
