So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize