He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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