Plan B is the new Plan A
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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