anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
