all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
