moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
