period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
