Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
