just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
