I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
