I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
