I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
