Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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