Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
