WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
