once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
