my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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