just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize