it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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