The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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