One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
