Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
