C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
