Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
