Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
