respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
