I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
