mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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