i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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