idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
