I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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