week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize