So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
