FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
