planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
