that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
