just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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