So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
