Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize