i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
