i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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