he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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