Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Girls should come with a carfax report
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize