Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
