Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
