I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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