He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
