Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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