Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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