I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
