So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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