tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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