I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
