i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
