oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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