Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
