youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i think i just lost a toe
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
