Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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