my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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