Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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