I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
its liver damage thursday
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
