Sponge bath it is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
